So this is a little bit of a different type of update. Why? It goes back to before my previous post. ⏰
As you know, I've been volunteering at a recycling depot near to where I live. This is both good and not-so good. In this posts situation, it's not so good. In December a little incident happened. Just before Christmas (maybe a bit closer to the beginning of December) we had a meeting about closing over the Christmas period to the start of January. I had no problem with going in there, all by myself, over that period because I knew that someone had to be there since it was going to get crazy.
Then, one Thursday morning, just after everyone else had left, it happened.
Firstly, someone had brought a whole lot of their schools end of the year exams. That filled up the white paper wheelie Bin, which I then had to try and empty. That filled up one of the empty spare bags that we had. Then some other people arrived and dropped off more white paper. I tried to use all of the remaining space I had from the other bag that contained white paper. I somehow made it work.
Then, at the same time, someone was depositing steel cans. And Aluminium cans. And plastic bottles. All at once. Did I mention that this recycling place is in a metal container? By this time I could feel a meltdown was about to happen. Queue the selfish !@#$%^& person who decided to deposit their cardboard in massive sizes. I just calmly walked out the back, put my hands over my ears (because of the noise of the cans) and burst into tears. After a few minutes, I went back inside, carried on with what I was doing and (in my mind) called that person selfish for single-handedly filling up one of our MASSIVE bags in about 10 minutes.
At about 12:30 I went home and I didn't care if a car hit me or not. I had absolutely no emotion at all. This is called "Autistic shutdown" and normally comes after the meltdown.
But I now have a problem. And I need professional help with it.
Ever since that day, whenever I go to the shops, I either want to
- hit people or
- start crying (that's usually before I even enter the building).
The problem is that it's getting worse. But it's always the same shopping centre. I used to feel like crying when I was about half way through the parking lot. Then I was when I was across the road from the centre. Then it exploded to me having about 5 panic attacks while I was on the way there.
I have done everything I can do (on my own) and it hasn't helped. I need to go and talk to someone with a couple of letters behind their surname. Unfortunately, the waiting list is long, this is getting worse and I might be running out of time.
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